Shadchanim Giving Singles False Hope
As a precursor to this here expose, here’s a link to an article covering the Top 5 Jewish dating sites that I’ve seen many people taking interest in.
As someone who’s been out on the prowl for some time now, I can tell you that the search for you beshert can be both upsetting and extremely draining. But then there are the shadchanim who approach you and offer you
their services. Shadchanim (traditional Jewish matchmakers) can be extremely generous, selfless individuals who will spend hours searching for the “right” types of people for you–people who they know will be a potentially good match and perhaps your future husband/wife. I’ve dealt with a number of shaddchanim, most of whom have made a great impression on me.
The rule I’ve made for myself is: Never pay for a shadchan’s services up-front. The ones who ask for NIS 250 (this is the standard price) before they’ve even scheduled one date for you are con-artists of the worst kind. These people are making a business out of your mysery. They see how hard it is for you to find the right person and while, they, themselves, show off pictures with their awesome families all cuddly and happy, they feed off your money to provide for their own selfish interests.
I’ve had three shaddchans approach me asking for money upfront. In one case, I was stupid enough to fall for it. The lady (her innitials are: D.R. and she lives in Beit Shemesh) came off as a very nice, caring individual. We met for coffee (to be sure, I had to get a taxi and go cross town to meet her besides the cover cost), she took all of 45 minutes to get some basic information about my background along with my 250NIS–swollen by the Earth aka DR, never to be seen–or heard from again. (I know it’s only money, folks, hence it’s not the worst type of offense but nevertheless…it is money).
Now, I don’t really care how busy this DR is, how many cute lil’ children she has, how much she loves her mench of a husband, but I do know that when I paid DR those NIS250 I was expecting her to set me up on quite a few dates.
…fast forward a year. DR has set me up on two (2) dates neither of which lasted more than one outing. She continuously posts statuses about taking long walks to stay in shape, about our kidnapped boys, etc, etc. to show just what kind of special lady she is. In the meanwhile, I keep working and trying to earn money. Part of that hard-earned money went to DR who took it (read “stole”) and forgot all about my existence. When I contacted her recently and told her I wasn’t happy with her services, she asked me if that meant I didn’t want her searching for me any longer (I said I didn’t want anything from her) and followed that up by blocking me on Facebook. I have all kinds of friends on FB and I’ve realized that to block someone, you better have a valid reason–otherwise, people will start returning the favor.
I could have easily published DR’s full name, information, etc, (this is my personal site and I maintain the right to publish whatever I want here) but unlike of DR, I’m a mench and I won’t compromise another person’s good name. To summarize, don’t pay for a shadchan’s services until they find your beshert. If you do, beaware of scams: people who will take your money and run.